Just a few hours ago I found myself in "healthy comparison" mode...
I was in a yoga class with a group of seasoned yoga teachers. Needless to say, I was the worst yogi there.
This
was especially evident when it came time for handstand practice.
Everyone in the class floated effortlessly into a perfectly vertical
handstand while I bounced up and down against a wall trying to get my
balance just right.
In this instance, I was inspired to become
better. My classmates have been practicing yoga for years, while I'm
just starting out. I will get there. I can do it. I am determined to improve.
However, this isn't always the case. Comparing yourself to others can create doubt.
You may end up doubting your skills and abilities or even your value as
a person. I've been there too. Here's what we can all do to make sure
our comparisons are healthy, not unhealthy ones...
Dave: Hey, thanks so much for joining me in this episode of "The Make
Your Body Work" podcast. As you know this show is all about helping you
live a healthier and happier life.
Today I am so excited because
one of my good friends is on the show today, and you'll see or you'll
hear as he explains what he does and his approach to fitness. Why he's
the perfect choice for today's question. And I'm going to dive right in.
Selene wrote in and she said "I
started going to boot camp classes in January, and have really been
enjoying it. The one thing I don't like is how much I compare myself to
the other ladies in the class. I know it's not a competition, but it's
hard to watch what they do and want to do it even though I likely
shouldn't. Where's the line between getting better and pushing too
hard?"
Selene, thanks for writing in. Thanks for
being really honest. I know this is something that I've struggled with
before, comparing myself fitness wise, comparing myself success wise,
comparing myself looks wise, comparing myself brain wise, everything to
other people. I think I can speak probably for everyone who's tuning in
right now, what are the areas that you compare yourself to other people?
Selene
says it's in her boot camp class and she knows ... I like what she
said, she's really honest, she says "I know I shouldn't do it, I know
it's not a competition" but there's something humanistic, there's
something about us that we want to be on par. We want to be good. We
want to be better.
So it becomes a little bit of a dangerous
situation specifically when we're talking about fitness because as
Selene points out, when we're watching other people in the gym and in
our classes, and we're trying to do what they do.
We don't know
what they've been doing training wise. We don't know how their body is
functioning. There's no reason why we should be looking at someone else
and saying "I must do that" but the temptation is so strong.
I'm
really excited to introduce to you my good friend. He has built an
amazing business around safe, functional training. He really is the
expert when it comes to doing what's right for you. So, proud to
introduce Johnny Fukumoto.
Meet Johnny Fukumoto
Dave: Hey Johnny, thanks so much for joining us on the show today.
Johnny: Thanks for having me, Dave.
Dave: You know before we get into the question for today's episode in talking about fitness and exercise and stuff. I want to talk to you about Toggl. Because a lot of my followers of my blog are readers read a post recently where I was talking about time management
and you are the guy that inspired this entire Toggl experiment. So,
maybe I guess my question for you is, are you still 'Toggling', and for
the listeners who don't know what I'm talking about, it's a time
tracking app. Are you still doing that right now?
Johnny: I did not do it today but I will continue to do that, yes.
Dave:
And we started it, well as of recording this show we started it maybe
two weeks ago, can you share a little bit of your results? What have you
noticed as you've been tracking your time and seeing where you spend
your time?
Johnny: I just became much more aware of different gaps in the day where I would not be doing what I set out to do.
Or I'd get caught in conversations that lasted me more than I thought
it was supposed to. Just things like that and checking my emails way
more than I need to. It just really gave me a good, I guess sense of the
truth, kind of like if you've done a food journal. It's kind of eye
opening to see what's happening.
Yeah just basically
lot's of wasted time which made me feel not so great. And then want to
continue to improve that so that when I go home at the end of the day, I
don't feel like I have to keep working.
Dave: Same here
you know, I wrote this in my blog post but I often thought when I go to
turn on my phone and just browse Facebook or browse Youtube or whatever,
thought this is going into my Toggl report and I'm going to have to
show Johnny this. And I choose not to do it because that accountability.
It was such an awesome experience for me.
Johnny: Yeah, I feel
the same way. I really enjoy figuring out little ways to make things
more efficient and when you kind of extrapolate it throughout a week, or
the year it's pretty motivating and eye opening to see what's really
happening and how you can improve your life through something like an
app. I'm not a big app guy but that one was really good.
Be selective with how you invest your time. You can become very productive once you set your true priorities.
Dave:
And it's neat, like I, you and I were talking before we started
recording here. It's actually neat having you on the show because you
and I, jeez, we've been friends for, how long? Close to 20 years? 15, 20
years?
Johnny: It's hard to say, I feel like I might have met you in around 2000. Somewhere like that.
Dave:
So getting close to 20 years in. Our career paths have sort of differed
and now we ended up being very similar career, health coaching, fitness
coaching and it's neat because, although our careers have sort of ended
up in a similar place there are things that when I look at what you're
doing and keep up with your work, you do so distinctly well. And that's
why I actually wanted you on this show is today, Selene, she asked this
question about comparing herself.
She talks about boot camps, she
talks about pushing too hard versus being okay with a level that's
appropriate for her and all these things as I was reading her question, I
was just like, Johnny's the man.
So before we go into that, can you tell the audience a little bit about your practice. Fukumoto Fitness, what's it all about.
Be selective with how you invest your time. You can become very productive once you set your true priorities.
What's Fukumoto Fitness All About?
Johnny: Well,
to kind of keep it brief, we run a functional training facility. It is a
gym, but everyone who comes in is on a specific program with a coach.
It is in a group setting. So the people we work with really enjoy
having other people around and having that camaraderie and working
together.It is quite diverse, we have people who are 15 years old all
the way up to 60, 70's.
So that's kind of our thing. Better together is something you'll hear around here quite a bit as well as a philosophy of progress not perfection
which really is a relief for a lot of our members to hear that we can
keep moving forward but we want to be reasonable and be kind to
ourselves in the way we're making progress. And that probably relates to
the person who wrote that question.
We have a big group program and we also work with some specialty groups as well in terms of nutrition coaching, fit pregnancies, obstacle course racing, and kettlebell work for example. But we do a lot of stuff in the community.
We hang out, we have big pot lucks, you know 100 people show up. So it kind of has more than just the work outs. It's got a family feel and we try to be very welcoming and not intimidating but we still hold people accountable and progress them in the way they need to go.
Dave:
I said that there's some things that I think you do very, very well and
one of the things I've always really respected about your practice is
the attention to the individual person that you're working with and what
his or her boundaries are. And what's appropriate and helpful for that
person. Can you talk a little bit about as a group fitness instructor
and gym owner, how do you deal with what Selene's going through? Because
you must see this all the time. Or let me ask that question first. Do
you see this, the comparison?
Comparisons Are Normal
Johnny: Yes, everybody who comes in is quite nervous just to begin with
about, will they measure up? Will they be the least fit person? Will
they know what to do? A lot of times in traditional group fitness, it's
just someone dancing around at the front and you're trying to keep up
and just hiding in the back hoping to make it.
So that's very
normal and I think it's more a product of the system that's probably
very old. What we have, is we have people come in before and we assess
them, look at them and we talk to them and just relieve that anxiety
that they have. Everybody has it. So we found that very helpful,
something that when I was getting into exercise, I wish someone said.
But then we take a look at the person. We give them a functional
movement screen, and we just talk them through how we're going to give
them the exercise, the movement that they need for their body, movement
wise, fitness level wise and they just need to focus on that.
And
even when we tell them that, it's not realistic for us to expect that
they're not going to look beside them and see somebody else and feel
pressured to do that. But we start the dialog early and then everybody
works in their own way within the same program and eventually you're
just focusing so much on how you're going to do well that you stop
looking around.
Dave: And so would you say that that is
actually the outcome, like as you sort of train people in this
philosophy and help them focus on their own progress? Do you see that
people actually stop looking at each other and comparing and just focus
on themselves?
Johnny: I think it depends on the person. If
someone really struggles with that, that's probably something that comes
from somewhere deeper and it's been that way for a while. But we do see
that that tends to be less of an issue.
And when people compare
themselves to others it tends to be more of an inspiration type
comparison where you look at someone, you say wow, look at that person
over there and what they're going through. And there might be some
personal connection because all of our people train with the exact same
people every day, year after year.
So they might know that person
and then that person becomes more human and they use that and say well,
maybe I can do a little bit more or maybe I'm fine where I'm at now,
that's good for them.
So that would not be as uncommon as in a regular gym facility.
Comparing yourself to others is natural. But, whether you chose to be inspired or to doubt yourself is entirely up to you.
Comparing yourself to others is natural. But, whether you chose to be inspired or to doubt yourself is entirely up to you.
Using Comparisons for Inspiration
Dave: It's neat when you talk about the comparison for inspiration. I just had an exact, or a perfect example of that. So I started going to a new yoga studio, maybe two or three weeks ago. And the classes that I go to, I'm by far the worst the yogi in these classes.
Everyone
else is doing all this crazy stuff that I can't do. And when I first
started, when you talked about that insecurity, that's exactly how I
felt. I felt like I was the worst one in class, I always went in the
back corner so no one was watching me.
But
there's one guy who goes to basically every class that I go to. His
name's John, John as well. And he's, I don't know, I'd say maybe mid to late sixties
and yesterday there was a pose where people could have gone into a
handstand or for me, I'm doing a very modified downward dog to try and
learn how to do it, eventually do a handstand. And I watched this guy. He flips up into a handstand and is holding it for probably two or three minutes.
And at that point it was no longer a comparison. Me saying, oh I suck.
It was really inspirational and aspirational. Like I would like to do
that at some point.
Johnny: For sure, I have three examples from
the last week, Dave. I have one coming up tonight and the issue is that
you want to put yourself out there anyway. So whoever your listener is, I
just want to commend them for showing up and being there knowing that
the comparisons are hard not to do. And also just for asking the
question. A lot of people just power through and just do very unsafe
things and it's a good question.
I think if you just
listen to your body and you talk to the instructor and ask them for
their opinion, they're going to be able to help you hopefully gradually progress.
If
you want to be able to do some of the cool badass stuff that other
people are doing, just ask for an honest opinion. What does it take to
be able to do that push up or to be able to do that pull up? And is the
work that goes into that realistic for me right now?
If
it's not realistic, then just be free from that comparison. If it is
then, get a plan and get after it. Just to make it more personal, I just
bought a cyclecross bike, I don't know how to get into it, I don't know
how to change the tire. It's on a trainer in my basement and I can't go
on a bike ride tonight because I don't know how to get it out.
So you know, when I start cycling with guys, I'm going to be super
sensitive to comparing. Do I have the wrong tight shorts on? Do I have
the wrong helmet? Am I doing something uncool? Tonight I'm going to yoga
for date night with my wife, I don't really feel totally like I fit in
there because it's not something I usually do.
But I just have to
be focusing on, hey, I'm here. I can do some stuff and this past weekend
I was at a 16 hour body weight certification where guys instructing in
their 50's and 60's can do things that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to
do in my entire life being in my mid-30's and in great shape.
You know, I look at those things as inspiration or opportunities and I
don't want to jeopardize safety for those things at the same time so I
can really empathize with that even though sometimes people look at
people in the fitness industry and think they're not human. I definitely
can relate to that listener.
Getting Better vs. Pushing Too Hard
Dave:
I liked what you said, or it's sort of a shame but I think it's very
true what you said that particularly in group fitness quite often we
have someone standing on a stage who is ultra fit demonstrating the
hardest version of every exercise, kind of yelling or trying at least to
pump people up to try and follow that lead. And in reality for many
people who are probably in that class, following that lead is the exact
opposite of what they need.
So for Selene who, her final line in
this message, she said, "Where's the line between getting better and
pushing too hard?" What did you think about that?
Johnny: That's
awesome. I would say, like I mentioned before, if you're unsure, then
just go up to that trainer or that coach and ask them about that and
maybe they can get a sense of where you're coming from. And hopefully
they can give you some progressions to find out where to start you with
in an exercise variation.
They can then be aware that you might be
the type of person who's prone to overdoing it and they can kind of
dial you back in. We have some clients like that. We just know no matter
what we say, they're going to be on that line so we have to pay
attention to that.
So I think that partnering with whoever your instructor is will be great and the fact that you're asking and concerned about these questions, I have the feeling that you're not the most dangerous person because you actually care about these types of things.
Dave:
I love that, I love that you pointed out the fact that she's asking
that is huge because you're right most people would just look at those
around them and say okay, I'm going to do that and compromise my form or
compromise my safety or do whatever it takes so that at least I feel
like I'm doing what everybody else is doing.
Johnny: Totally, it's
the no pain, no gain. If it feels horrible I must be getting somewhere
but it's not really a great philosophy. I don't know, that really
doesn't help anybody just to tough it out or whatever. I totally agree
with you on that point.
Dave: What do you think from a mental side
of things, and again before the show you and I were already talking
about mental strategies that we're individually using to try and get
through barriers in our own lives.
What do you teach your clients,
or what could you teach listeners who are saying, maybe I look at
someone else's life and whether it's just fitness related or just life
related and it seems easier for them or I wish I had blank, how do you
coach someone through that from a mental standpoint?
Johnny: Well
this is super tough because it's not like this is new information but,
with all the social media and different outlets out there it's no reason
people are not feeling so hot about themselves in terms of what they
get to see and what think people's lives are like.
Like that's
just, it's just an inaccurate portrait and I think it's unfair to the
person judging themselves and I think it's unfair that someone else's
life, they would want because it's, you just never know. So kind of
realizing that is helpful and maybe that's just simply not just
mindlessly browsing through Facebook and Instagram or unfollowing or
getting out of certain things that pop up in your feed might just be one
practical strategy.
I don't know if that's where you're going for or ...
Everyone has a history. Yours is unique. Give yourself some grace to NOT be in the same place as someone else.
Everyone has a history. Yours is unique. Give yourself some grace to NOT be in the same place as someone else.
Experiment to Find Something You Really Enjoy
Dave:
Yeah, like I think that's a great example of trying to sort of get past
the surface level of what everyone presents to try and see, what's the
truth. I'll give you an example in my own life just to kind of normalize
some of these feelings, I guess, is right now, so I'm training for my
first ever full marathon.
And
training was going really great for maybe the first six or seven or
eight weeks and just the last week or two, I'll be honest I hate it. I
have to go, after this call, I have to go and run my temple run, 13
kilometers temple run. So 13 kilometers at quite a quick pace and I'm
dreading it.
And it's easy for me to, I have a bunch of runner
friends and it seems like they're all loving running and I feel like the
odd man out. Why do I hate this so much? But in reality I've never
asked them. I don't know if they're actually loving it. And so I think
some of this, and Johnny that's one of the things I really appreciate
about our friendship is, some of it is just having communication or
talks with other people to find out what's actually going on in their
lives.
Johnny: Yeah and for sure and in terms of fitness
activities, no one says that everybody has to enjoy this, that or the
other thing. If the only thing you earn from the marathon after feeling
accomplished is that you hate it, well you don't have to do another one,
Dave. You know what I mean?
But people think that
especially for those half marathons and things, you know, I'll sign up
for that and that'll get me healthy. If you legit hate running, there's
so many other things you could do. You can dance, you can play sports,
you can do whatever you want and so, it's really up to you what you want
to do.
I'm kind of like you, I will try
different things and I will do a lot of things not based on how I feel
and you can develop lots of good character and get some good experience
and experimentation on yourself but it's just as effective for me when I
find I try something, give it the good effort and then realize, yeah,
I'm okay if I never do that again. Or on the other hand, you find out
you love it somehow. So that's just the boxes that we're put in.
Everyone seems to define fitness very narrowly and it's really wide open.
Dave:
Well yeah, and I love what you said too, about experimenting, finding
something you enjoy. And that was something that was really cool about
Selene's question. She said, I'll just read her first line again. She
says, "I started going to boot camp classes in January", I don't know
her history but from that line it sounds like she was trying something
new. "And have really been enjoying it." So it's cool because she put
herself out there doing something new and found something that she
likes.
Johnny: Totally, and she can probably even
extrapolate that. What do you enjoy about that? Because there's probably
other activities, or other things that contain some of those same
qualities that if you're not doing boot camp doesn't mean you can't have
a good time or you can get fit another way if life arises and you need
to do something else, it's nice to develop options so that it's not just all or nothing.
The right exercise for you is the one you enjoy doing. When you're having fun, you'll always look forward to fitness.
Dave:
I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about your own athletic
training. First of all, maybe you can tell the audience a little bit
about your competition and the type of races you do.
Johnny: Currently the last four or five years, I've been getting a lot into obstacles course racing which in Canada it's pretty decent in terms of people know about it. In the US and Europe it's massive.
So
that could be anywhere, distances between 5K and you know, all the way
up to 100 miles. There's things for everything between. I've
participated in many spartan races, tough mudders, world's toughest mudder, and a lot of local things. That usually runs more in the nicer months, you know May to October in Canada.
And
I really enjoy it because it just involves a lot of different things so
when I keep fit and I train for it I get to use a lot of different
strength, mobility, there's the cardio aspect in there as well.
The right exercise for you is the one you enjoy doing. When you're having fun, you'll always look forward to fitness.
Is "Doing Your Best" Good Enough?
Dave:
That's where I wanted to go, I wanted to ask you about your training.
Because you've done really well. Like right now you're being modest but
you've kind of competed at the highest level in these obstacle races and
I know how much training you put in.
So I guess my question for
you is, you've done what you suggested, like you found an activity that
you really enjoy doing. Even after having found that activity, do you
find that there are times that you don't like training? Or do you find
there are times when you find yourself comparing yourself to other
racers? Kind of like Selene alludes to here?
Johnny: Oh
yeah. I would say that personally I don't feel like my doing my
training almost every time. And I don't even say that in a negative way.
It's just that I'm not a professional athlete where this is the only
thing I do.
So other things get in the way of my
mind space, and so there's a lot of things that make me think, I don't
want to train today. I do it anyway and then I really feel great about
it after but, yeah. I compare myself.
I'm 10 years older than,
five or ten years older that the best guys who are single or they don't
have a lot of responsibility necessarily with, they might be in school
still or you know, they're in great shape or they're in the mountains
and I live in the flattest place on earth.
So there's a lot of thoughts where you're like "I don't have the tools to compete",
you know "I've got two kids, I've got a business so there's a lot of
things that can go wrong in your mind with that but I got to figure, you
know what? I've got to do my best anyway.
I can get better
every year, it does involve a lot of running. I never ran as an athlete
when I was younger, it was more power like football, hockey so I'm
usually slower off the hop and have to be better at other portions of
the race that aren't a big part of the race.
So there's a lot of
things in there in terms of insecurity but I just have been consistent
and find other ways to perform and just to feel good about it. Yeah, so
it's exactly what you're talking about.
Even when you think you can't, just do your best anyway. Your best gets better with practice.
Dave:
You know what's cool too is that this whole comparison thing, I love
how you sort of suggest that you look at the other racers and at least
take into account what their position in life is. 'Cause your example so
say a guy's 25 years old, he is living with his parents. He's a single
guy, he's got all the time in the world to train and he lives in the
mountains. For you to think that just naturally you should be a as good
as him is a little bit of a ridiculous thought. But we do it all the
time.
I actually was just talking to a client of mine
yesterday and she's 52 years old and was saying how she has five to ten
pounds to lose. And then she'd feel great about herself. And she was
really being hard on herself. Why can't I lose this weight but then she had this moment where she said I do have people all the time that look at me and say, there's no way you're 52.
And it was all of a sudden this flipped switch, and she was like, wait a
second, if I look at other women my age who have kids and have a family
and have a career, I'm doing pretty great.
Johnny: Totally. I
struggle with that because for me I'm just like, so what? I just want to
be the best and you know, when you can't do that, then you're looking
for excuses or ways to overcome that but you just, you do have to get
better at accepting yourself.
You know, I don't sleep much, when I
go for a run I might have the two boys and the double chariot and it's
like, you know, it's not the most effective way to train but, it's what I
can do and you know, and it's also, it's deeper than just training for
this stuff. You know, I'm showing them how to be outside and how to be
active and there's amazing things that come from that.
And at the
end of the day, the best thing in the world, will I really care that
much, is that going to add much more value to my life than the other
things where I find my life at? No, it's not and I just have to really
believe that. It is the truth but sometimes you don't feel like it.
Even when you think you can't, just do your best anyway. Your best gets better with practice.
Do You Know What Others are Going Through?
Dave:
Yeah, that's so important, you know. Going back to Selene's question,
and I'm picturing being in a boot camp class, or for my in yoga or
whatever it is. Looking at other people and saying, oh I wish I could do
this or why can't I do that? In reality, yeah, it might be great to do
that but I love what you just said there, is that actually going to make
me more valuable person or is that actually going to somehow magically
improve my life?
Johnny: Exactly and we find that all the time,
those stories. Had a guy train this morning, he looks fit, he is fit.
People look at him and say, you know, oh look at that guy, he can do
this. They have no idea, this guy was several hundred pounds overweight.
They don't know his story, they don't know about the woman whose got MS
in the room.
They don't know this woman here is dealing with this or is recently divorced or whatever it is. Everybody
has things that are going on and I wish there was a way to
appropriately just put them all out there so everyone could just be cool
with themselves.
But it's much easier to play the game in
your head that you're the only who doesn't belong. You're the least
fit. You don't know that this person has trained three times a week for
six years to even get to the point they're at and they might be near you
in the fitness level. You know, that's just life. It's not just
whatever it is like, rainbows and unicorns or whatever it is.
Dave:
You know what, you've just given me an idea, it will be so awesome. Can
you imagine if you went into a fitness class and everyone had a t-shirt
and it like, wrote out their biggest problem they're dealing with right
now and their biggest fear in life, their biggest self-consciousness.
How much they've been training, like their whole history and so it's
like completely, 100% transparency. Everyone knows what everyone's
dealing with.
'Cause you use an example about oh, so-and-so's
going through a divorce. Well emotional baggage like that, there's no
way that 95% of people in class know that but do you think that's going
to impact your workout? Or your performance ability? Of course it is.
Just no one knows.
Johnny: No one knows and one of our main jobs
here is just to, when people share with us, because they do, we build
these relationships over years and, if they're not coming they let us
know why and ... We just get to have access to that and use that as
coaches and just continue to reinforce to people, "Hey you are, you're
doing great, you're here, you showed up."
Like, it's huge and
you're not alone, I know tons of people who are going through things
right now. And they might be right beside you and just keep doing your
best, and it sounds cliché but, the longer I've been in the business,
the more real it is that people are not indestructible. It's not all
great and they come to help get some stress relief, resiliency and to
help just go through life and that becomes a more important focus to a
lot of people.
If they were going to be honest then that five pounds or that 10 pounds, you know what I mean? Like, why? Why are they here. And like you said, with your mental and your mindset techniques, like if you don't know why you're running a marathon, Dave, like, you got to stop doing it.
You
need to have that ingrained in your system. Maybe you even need to make
a big vision board for yourself with a collage and something visual.
Some people are visual and need to have those reminders everywhere and
be like, this is why I'm doing this.
And out of sight, out of mind for a lot of people, so. I hope that
person doesn't feel alone but part of it is, you're going to feel along
if you don't include your coach, tell someone and obviously asking that
question to you is amazing start.
Everyone performs better in life when they do it with other people
Everyone performs better in life when they do it with other people
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